As a mate on Twitter wrote:

“I’m more scared of Wolves than Milan. Why? I’m a Spurs fan.”

And it doesn’t get any more succinct than that. It seems that for as long as I can remember, I have seen Tottenham take the game to the Goliath, only to be dry-bummed by David a week later. To cover my tracks, there could be innumerable stats why I’m talking nonsense and I am certain there must be hoards of supporters for many different clubs with the same paranoia but I have always felt this to be the Spurs way.

Even when we were dog poo, we had some big performances. I felt awesome the day in October 1999 when I went into work to confront the 12 Man United fans (I was living in Slough at the time, the extended Manchester catchment area until Abramovic came on the scene and allegiances switched from red to blue quicker than Ashley Cole’s shirt). That was the day where Stevie Carr scored a screamer and a team with a midfield of Beckham, Scholes, Keane and Giggs was beaten by one of Fox, Freund, Sherwood and Leonhardsen. It was a great game and a huge result. The crest of the wave dipped a bit when by December, we’d been knocked out of the UEFA, League and FA cups including a 6-1 (Kaiser)slaughtering by Newcastle.

Another that springs to mind, when “Arfa” Tottenham put the ball in the Chelsea net. I dined off that result for months, it was absolutely massive and it was great that we could build on it by getting shafted by the blues 4-0 in two consecutive games not long after.

Neither of the above examples really expand on the point that we are better against the bigger teams than the smaller ones but it does illustrate that we’re used to a huge let down after a big result. In fact it usually doesn’t take as long as the above examples…

5th Nov 2006. Tottenham 2 -1 Chelsea. 19 years of hurt, put to rest.
12th Nov 2006. Reading 3-1 Tottenham. Dismal effort at the Madjeski only worsened by not being let into any Reading pubs. One, for being a “cockney prick” despite living down the road.

24th Feb 2008. Wembley. Tottenham 2-1 Chelsea. Champagne.
1st Mar 2008. Birmingham 4-1 Tottenham.  Shambles.

There are plenty of these and you all know where I’m coming from, so why was it still a shock to beat AC Milan at the San Siro, then get done by a team with James fucking Beattie in it?

If we are going to qualify for the Champions League, we’re going to have to claw back the five points we pissed away in our last two games. I’m incensed that we were sitting above Chelsea who were looking at their worst finish since the club was formed in 2003 and would be well in front of Citeh assuming we’d capitalise on our games in hand but no. That’s not the Tottenham way.

I’ve tried to encapsulate these frustrations in stone tablet form:

1. Thou shalt lose to a team about a tenth of the quality of the team you beat the in your previous match.
2. Thou shalt enjoy exciting football (or more realistically…)
3. Thou shalt endure suicidal defending
4. Thou shalt love the charismatic ‘keeper and lie to convince yourself of his quality by saying “he’s one of the best shot-stoppers in the league”.
5. Thou shalt make every path to success as difficult as possible
6. As above, even if you only have to get past a shower of shit like West Ham, thou players shalt get a mystery illness and bottle it.
7. Thou shalt always give your opponents at least a goal head start (or 4 if it’s a rubbish team like the current European champions. Oh, and get a player sent off, just in case the 4 goal advantage isn’t generous enough).
8. Thou shalt not purchase a player who is injured for any less than a third of the season.
9. Thou shalt watch the opposing ‘keeper have the best game of his entire career. Every week.
10. Thou shalt be in with a chance of Champions League qualification and be a few days away from the second leg of the last 16 in Europe’s greatest competition, against one of the biggest teams in the world, in a game you are winning with an away goal in a season where you’ve beaten your biggest London rivals AND STILL whinge and moan ungratefully to people you’ve never heard of and who don’t care what you think anyway.

It’s the Tottenham way.

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